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The Single Woman

Surviving in the Workplace: Help for Single Moms

By Leanne Benfield

Brenda Armstrong knows what it's like to be a single parent. Executive director of Mercy Tree Ministries and spokesperson for Crown Financial Ministries' single-parent ministry, Brenda has been a single mother since 1982. Her book, The Single Mom's Workplace Survival Guide (Servant Publications), gives practical tools from Brenda and other single moms to help equip readers for the work force.

Why do single mothers need a survival guide for the workplace?

Nobody is ever prepared to be a single mother. It's not what I dreamed about when I was a little girl. I didn't think, Wow, I think I'll grow up and be a single mom. I thought, I'm going to get married, have children, and we're going to be together forever. Women aren't always equipped to deal with the pressures that come with single parenting. There's no training course, no survival guide, so we created one.

What obstacles did you face when trying to balance work and home life?

It was very difficult. I had entry-level jobs because I had no work experience, so I was the first one laid off. I spent time on welfare. My kids suffered because I wasn't there for them after school. They were latch-key kids and started getting in trouble. I needed help.

How can single moms get help?

One of the key things is not going it alone. The first Person I suggest anyone goes to is to God.   He's our primary Partner. In a survival mode, we have to have a partner to rescue us if we get in trouble. God will guide us when we're lost. He's going to give us what we need to survive. Then we need a buddy system of friends, family and church members who can help us in the areas we can't manage alone.

How can single moms become equipped for the workplace?

Most of the time, a single mom is surviving in her work, not thriving. She's taking the first job that comes along because she has to put food on the table. She's thinking about survival, not about what she could be good at, how God designed her, what gifts she has. I suggest that she stops and explores those areas. You might say, "I've got to feed the kids and pay the rent. How am I supposed to do that?" Take an assessment that gives a profile of who you are and how God designed you. Think back to when you were a child and what you thought you might be when you grew up. What kind of entry-level job in that field can you explore to see if that's what you want to do?

If God has placed a desire in our hearts for a certain type of job and gifted us in that area, He knows how to fulfill those plans. The first inspiration I got from the Lord was that I was supposed to be in Christian broadcasting. I thought, That's not possible. I have no skills, no background. But it's something I've always had an interest in. I asked friends to pray. I took college courses in communications. A position became available and I was hired. God opened the door. He prompted me, He showed me with an assessment and other things, and then He proved it. God has placed a desire in our hearts for what He wants us to do with our lives.

You have said that parenting is more important than making money. How can single moms find jobs flexible enough to allow them to be parents first?

I know single moms who have become schoolteachers so they could be with their kids after school and be home with them during the summer. Some single moms have started at-home businesses, but home-based businesses take up to two years to be able to provide support. The job may have to be full-time. Some single moms work in childcare so they can be with their children. Some have lived with parents and other relatives so they could trade off being with the kids after school. Look at options.

What are some steps single moms can take to survive financially?

Look at the financial situation. It's not going to go away. We don't know how to pray properly if we don't know what the situation is. We can't ask God for the resources we need and we're not going to know how God moved on our behalf until we look at the situation.

The first step is write it down. We call that a preliminary budget, which is how much we're bringing in and how much we're spending. Then we do the adjustment— how much we should be spending. No one can live on 110 percent. We have to get back under 100 percent spending. We encourage the first ten percent to be given back to God because God wants us to do that as recognition of His ownership. We take out the tithe and the taxes and the remainder is what we live on.

Then, choose a priority. Ask yourself, Am I living in an expensive house because I lived there before the divorce or my husband's death? If it's a good reason, that's fine. But are you trusting in a house or are you trusting God for your security? Are you trusting in an expensive car or are you trusting God? We don't want a car that would be unsafe, but at the same time, we want to be sensible. If having our kids in a certain band or sport is more important to us than housing, that's where we would invest the money.

What final encouragement can you give single mothers?

God knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11). No matter how inadequate or ill-equipped we may feel, God is going to guide us and take us where we need to be.

LEANNE BENFIELD, a freelance writer and mom in Atlanta, has published over 200 articles in Christian and secular magazines. You can reach her at lbenfield@mindspring.com.