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The Single Woman

My Secret Life

By Amy Bickel

I stared silently at the large pile of boxes in the middle of my bedroom floor. Sorrow wrapped its heavy arms around me and brought unwanted tears to my eyes. That ugly mound of brown cardboard represented hours of wasted time and years of guilt.

Inside lay stacks of secular romance books and contemporary movies that used to warp my mind to the truth of love.

Most days my thoughts were filled with starry-eyed fantasies of muscled physiques, sculpted features and selfishly romantic gestures. At times, these illusions were more real to me than reality.

So what? What's wrong with innocent girlish fantasies?

The trouble was, I was letting fantasies rule my life. My thoughts were constantly guided by the ideas I was reading or watching. And these stories quietly fueled my discontentment with my life, my body and my spirit. My constant thoughts about "romance" determined my attitude, my actions and ultimately my character.

Guard Your Thoughts

Everyday life bombards us from all sides with distractions and temptations that make a pure thought life difficult to maintain. Television shows, movies, books, magazines, music, the Internet and even the people we associate with feed us information. The hedonistic world we live in inundates us with images and ideas to filter and judge.

In my case, distorted ideas of love and life grew directly from reading secular romance novels and watching movies. I found myself believing physical beauty was essential to happiness, sex before marriage was acceptable if you were engaged to be married and lying to protect a loved one was OK. Maybe these seem pretty mild to you, but it's only the tip of the iceberg.

The ideas and images pumped into our minds are Satan's tools. He tempts us to sin by subjecting us and desensitizing us to immorality. Guarding our thoughts keeps Satan at bay.

Gaining Control

God cares about our thoughts, but He also cares about what we do with them. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can discern each tempting thought and get rid of it.

Pornography, violence, lust and foul language all begin as tempting thoughts. If you suffer from a sinful thought life, there is help. Six steps help me control my thought life:

1. Acknowledge you have a problem.

Recognize your thoughts are not pleasing to God. Your impure thoughts are sins, even though no one else knows what is going on inside your head. God knows your thoughts and you will be judged by them if they are not placed under the blood of His Son. You aren't the only one struggling with impure thoughts. The Bible tells us that "no temptation has seized you except what is common to man" (1 Corinthians 10:13).

2. Ask for forgiveness of these sins and sinful thoughts.

God always faithfully provides His children with a way out of temptation. "God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Likewise, God always forgives us when we give in to temptation and fall into sin. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

3. Safeguard yourself from further attacks, because they will come.

Get rid of anything in your house or workplace that might lead you back into sinful thoughts. Throw out books, movies, pictures, magazines and whatever else affects your thinking. Stop watching television shows, visiting Web sites and listening to music that entices you. Don't go to places or associate with people who may lead you in the wrong direction.

4. Find a mature Christian confidant.

Try to find someone who has experienced the same things you have, and become accountable to her for your behavior. Give her the right to question you and censor you if necessary.

5. God transforms our minds through fasting and prayer.

Spend time you were using to destroy your thoughts to be with God instead.

6. Sow righteousness.

Start filling your mind with pure things that reflect God's moral truth. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).

Temptations still jump out at me when I least expect them. But I have learned to discern truth from fiction. I recognize and avoid situations that may lead me back into temptation. I no longer shop in secular bookstores without someone else along who will stop me from buying undesirable books. Nor will I watch movies that don't reflect morality and truth.

I'm also constantly convicted by the Holy Spirit to "not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of [my] mind. Then [I] will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:2).

Our constant responsibility is to guard our thoughts from an invasion of sinful thoughts. We will struggle, but with the Holy Spirit to guide us, our thoughts can draw us closer to the mind of God.

AMY BICKEL is a freelance writer from Illinois.