I Still Do!

Leading Your Unsaved Spouse to the Lord

By Harold R. Newsome

Leading Your Unsaved Spouse to the Lord Living the Christian life without your husband can be a lonesome and often difficult experience, to say the least. Fortunately, you can work directly with the Holy Spirit to make your faith more appealing to your lost spouse.

Spend time with your husband. Our tendency is to spend less time with an unsaved spouse. Schedules packed with worship services, small group meetings, choir practice, leadership training and drama rehearsal compete with the free time we have to spend with a spouse who doesn't participate in those things. Yet the Bible says an unbelieving companion can be won to Christ by the character and conduct of his Christian spouse (1 Peter 3:1). The more time you set aside to be with your husband, the greater potential for spiritual impact you will have.

Contrary to the opinions of some in the church, it is neither spiritual nor biblical to invest majority of our time in religious activities, while neglecting the emotional, physical and sexual needs of our spouse. That's not to say we should forego our Christian responsibilities, but we should strive to balance our spiritual life and our marriage until God intervenes in the situation.

Remove roadblocks to religion. Distractions can damage the intimate connection you have with your spouse and cheapen your Christian testimony. Efforts you make to improve your bond will greatly increase your effectiveness in influencing him for Christ. Eliminate anything in your marriage that might be preventing your loved one from accepting Christ. For instance, if either of you is quick-tempered, cranky or difficult to be around due to a medical condition, you should see a doctor or encourage him to do so. A large number of marriages could be dramatically improved if both partners simply felt better physically.

Without proper perspective, differences of opinion over finances and children can make Christianity unappealing. Many Christians feel they have a moral responsibility to "fight for the right" wherever they are—especially at home. They may wage war over tithing the family income or which TV shows to watch. An unsaved spouse is far more likely to be receptive to the inner working of the Holy Spirit when arguments are minimal, so choose your battles carefully.

Fight fair. No marriage is free from disagreements, even a solid Christian marriage. Refrain from making comments like, "If you were a Christian, things would be better around here!" or "The reason we're always fighting is you don't attend church!" Such statements may not be true and may cause your husband to resist Christ.

If you are married to a nonbeliever, your actions are being scrutinized. Lying to your husband, cheating on your taxes or being rude are a few actions an unsaved mate will consider hypocritical. You can't be perfect, but you can admit your failures, readily apologize for your mistakes and consistently strive to become more like Jesus.

Maintain sexual intimacy. The issue of sex can cause considerable division in a marriage, leading to arguments that ultimately hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in your home. By recognizing the importance of lovemaking, a Christian wife can strengthen her spiritual bond with her husband while improving the overall quality of her marriage. In his book Making Love Last Forever, Dr. Gary Smalley insists, "Good sex is the reflection of a good relationship." You can't have contagious faith if you don't have a good relationship. Sex is a gift from God to married couples, to be valued and enjoyed by both partners.

Look for opportunities to engage your spouse spiritually. Regrettably, some Christian wives never broach spiritual matters with their unsaved husbands for fear of being too dogmatic or pushy. But a hands-off approach is not a good idea. Love compels us to share Christ with everyone, including our families.

Christian perspectives can be introduced into many casual conversations. Asking your husband how he thinks you, as a Christian, should handle a problem at work or with a relative can open the door for deeper spiritual discussion and give him something to think about later.

The more your mate hears biblical teaching, the more likely he is to eventually receive Christ. Invite him to attend church with you. Even men who are reluctant to visit church will consider it during the holidays. When asked what you would like for Christmas, your birthday or even an anniversary, don't hesitate to request that he go to church with you. Don't push it, but don't neglect it either.

A word of caution: If your church doesn't present the gospel regularly and effectively, prayerfully consider moving to one that does.

When Julie started dating Greg, neither of them attended church or professed faith in Christ. But two years after their marriage, Julie began participating in a Bible study with some friends from work. Within weeks, she received Christ and became active in a local outreach ministry. Julie and Greg disagreed about church attendance and tithing, but Julie persevered and worked to keep her faith in God from competing with her marriage. Today, she and Greg are both committed Christians actively involved in youth ministry, and their marriage is far better than it's ever been. Julie's advice to wives whose husbands are not yet Christians: "Keep praying and don't give up. Miracles still happen!"