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I Still Do!

Dealing with Disease in Marriage

By Kim Kasch

Mood swings are normal, but they aren’t easy to deal with. We expect sullen bouts of silence followed by screaming outbursts from our teenagers, but what about when the moody culprits are our spouses?

When I met my husband, Lars, he was a kind and patient person. But a few years after we were married, everything started to change—and not for the better. People tried to console me. They said marriage changes everything and I shouldn’t expect the same behavior from a man once I was married to him. My mom tried to explain that the excitement and infatuation wears off and a deeper emotional attachment would develop, but I wasn’t so sure.

Lars’ entire personality had changed. I kept telling myself, This isn’t the man I married. I didn’t bargain for this. This once-patient person started losing his temper at the slightest provocation and when he began snapping at me and yelling at the kids, I was desperate for answers. I begged him to go to the doctor to find out if something was physically wrong.

I wasn’t prepared for what we learned. When he told me he had Type 1 diabetes and the doctor was signing forms to admit him to the hospital for a few days to get his blood sugar regulated, I thought he was joking—or maybe I hoped he was joking.

Insulin-dependent diabetes is a dangerous disease. It can cause heart disease, strokes, neuropathy, blindness and even death. People have to live with the subtle effects of diabetes every day and I dreaded the thought of changing my life to accommodate the disease. I was challenged by the idea of sticking by my husband “in sickness and in health.”

Although dealing with my husband’s sickness continues to be difficult, I’ve learned a great deal about myself through the process. How is a Christian woman supposed to deal with disease and consistently be a positive role model for her children?

I had to admit I wasn’t perfect and I shouldn’t expect my husband to be perfect either. Then I had to acknowledge my feelings. When I held them inside, I resented the disease and as the resentment grew, I even began resenting my husband. I had trouble dealing with his moodiness and anger and our busy lives were scheduled around his need for evenly spaced meals. Just like living a growing spiritual life, living with disease is something we constantly have to work at. It doesn’t come naturally.

One day I was feeling sorry for myself and wondering why God gave my family this burden of disease. I came across a story about Mother Teresa working with dying people in a leper colony in Calcutta, India. She said, “God never gives you more than you can handle. Sometimes, I just wish He didn’t have so much confidence in me.” I posted the quote on my refrigerator and take comfort in knowing God trusts me to grow through this trial and come through stronger than I could have been otherwise.

Originally published in the February 2008 issue of Diabetes Forecast, the magazine of the American Diabetes Association.

KIM KASCH is a freelance writer from Oregon.