Family Matters

Friendship Lessons

By WTOnline Staff

Did you ever wonder why there are so many relationship advice columns in magazines, newspapers and Web sites (including this site)? For one thing, these columns are fun to read. But the sheer volume of advice floating around points to a deeper truth: Relationships are hard. Unlike fake family crises that occur in half-hour sitcoms, real relational conflict can't be resolved with cheesy music, a sappy confession and a hug.

Despite their popularity, relationship advice columns can't cure relationship problems. It takes more than a generic 250-word answer to mend a struggling friendship. So where should we look for answers? Simply put, we should look to the same place we look for every other answer to life's questions: God's Word.

The Bible has plenty to say about friendship, but some of the most valuable lessons are hidden in its real-life examples. Let's take a look at some of the friendships in the Bible that can help us strengthen our own relationships.

Devotion: Naomi and Ruth (Ruth 1)

Here it is: Spirit-inspired, ironclad proof that your mother-in-law can be your best friend! No matter how much Naomi selflessly tried to force Ruth to get on with her own life, this devoted daughter-in-law refused to leave Naomi's side during the most trying time of her life. Naomi had lost her husband and two sons, leaving her penniless and hopeless, but Ruth, mourning the loss of her own husband, provided for her mother-in-law's needs—especially her need for companionship.

What a beautiful commitment she makes to Naomi in verses 16,17: "Ruth replied, 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.'"

How devoted are you to your friend? Are you willing to make sacrifices for her happiness and well-being? If so, does she know how devoted you are to her? Maybe you can't promise to follow her to the ends of the earth, but you can make a conscious effort to tell her how much she means to you. Don't leave those priceless words unsaid. Write a note, make a phone call, set a lunch date. Find a way to show your devotion today.

Loyalty: David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18—20)

The Bible doesn't tell us how this fierce friendship developed between David and the son of his enemy, but you'd have a hard time finding a better example of loyalty. Jonathan must have recognized greatness in David. Just think, he relinquished his own claim to Israel's throne to support David's call to leadership, giving David his robe, tunic, sword, bow and belt (18:4). Twice, he warned David of his father's murderous intentions (19:1-3; 20:12-40). He persuaded Saul to promise not to harm David (19:1-7). Then, when Jonathan realized Saul wasn't going to let David live in peace, he sent David away to safety (20:42). After Jonathan's death, David remembered his friendship covenant and cared for Jonathan's disabled son, Mephibosheth, his entire life (2 Samuel 9).

A healthy friendship must include this kind of loyalty. Your friend should be able to trust you with the small things and the big things—her secrets, her hopes and dreams, her family, even her life. Gossip and betrayal will kill a friendship faster than anything else. How loyal are you?

Sympathy: Job and His "Friends" (Job 2:11-13; 4—26)

"A friend in need is a friend indeed." There's a reason that saying has become cliché: It's absolutely true! Job's story illustrates how fair-weather friends can turn on you when things start to go badly.

After a series of tragic losses, Job was understandably depressed. Job's friends had the right idea in the beginning. "When Job's three friends… heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him…. They began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was" (2:11-13).

It's hard to know what to say to a friend in crisis. Sometimes the best solution is to cry with her. Don't give in to the temptation to come up with 10 easy steps to fix all her problems. Unfortunately, Job's friends weren't that wise.

As soon as Job began to confide in them, they opened their big mouths and made the situation worse. Learn from their mistake! Your friend doesn't need your condemnation or your advice—she needs your sympathy. And a hug couldn't hurt!

Encouragement: Mary and Elizabeth (Luke 1:26-56)

Put yourself in Mary's shoes. You're a young teenager minding your own business when suddenly an angel shows up and tells you you're about to have a baby. And not just any baby—God's baby. Once your obvious biological questions are answered, it begins to sink in. You will be responsible for parenting the Son of God. Talk about pressure!

The Scripture tells us Mary handled her assignment with grace, but it also tells us she "got ready and hurried" to visit her cousin, Elizabeth, where she knew she could find encouragement (1:39,40). She certainly wasn't disappointed.

As soon as Elizabeth heard Mary coming, Elizabeth's own baby "leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed: 'Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished'" (verses 41-45). Empowered by her friend's encouragement and confirmation, Mary praised God in a beautiful song (verses 46-55).

God's call can be scary sometimes, especially when you feel unworthy and unequipped. Take some time to observe God's hand at work in your friend's life. How can you encourage her as she grows into the woman God created her to be?

The next time you face relationship conflict or confusion, don't turn to some shallow advice columnist. Instead, look for answers in God's Word. Its truths are timeless and results are guaranteed!