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Look What God Is Doing!

Rethinking Pain

By Kimberly Davidson

For decades I lived a secret double-life. By day, I was a woman who worked very had at appearing as if I had it all together. By night, I retreated into a dark, depressing dungeon. I held a secret no one could know about. I was a bulimic alcoholic struggling with depression.

I have no joy or hope. I couldn’t figure out why this was happening to me. Why didn’t God step in and get me out of that mess? He seemed silent and unfair and I questioned His sovereignty. I needed someone to point me to Jesus. When God sent that person, I asked Jesus to come into my messed up life and my days started looking brighter. As I began to heal, I came to a fork in the road. The first option was familiar: “Why-Me Way” led to an oppressive swamp. I was very familiar with this destination where I had wallowed in self-pity for years.

I still felt a lot of anger, shame, and guilt for wasting valuable years. I was mad at God for waiting so long to help me. I obsessed about how my life could have been different. If only. If only. This road was a dead end that focused on the darkness and bitterness of the past.

One day I read Paul’s words “I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). A few verses earlier he writes, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances” (verse 11). I finally got it! With God’s strength, I can learn to be content. I made a decision to stop focusing on the past and begin to look forward to what God had planned for me. I had a change of mind and attitude that let to a complete turnaround. I took the other option at the fork in my road: “Know-God Lane.”

God was the One who could move me through the pain into peace. My first step toward healing was not running away from the pain, but toward it. I met God there. It was a choice to not just know about God, but to really know God. My answer was to meditate on the record of God’s goodness to His children, as recorded in Scripture.

When I chose to get to know God, He began speaking to me through His Word. “That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you” (Isaiah 43:4, The Message).

I eventually worked through the circumstances I didn’t understand. God was always near. When I feared He didn’t care about my pain, His Word told me He did care. My prayers drew me near to Him as I found my purpose and identity.

The way you get through tough circumstances is by developing an intimate connection with God so that when the things you see start to fall apart, the things you can’t see hold you together.

KIMBERLY DAVIDSON is the founder of Olive Branch Outreach, an eating disorders ministry. She also is an inspirational speaker and a seminary student. You can visit Olive Branch Outreach at www.olivebranchoutreach.com.