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Laugh Lines

Glamorless

By Jill Baughan

Have you ever had your picture taken at one of those places claiming to make you more glamorous than you’ve ever been or ever will be again? A few years ago, I decided to surprise my husband by getting one such temporary makeover—although, with crazy curly hair, permanently attached glasses and a left eye that shuts at will, I am a bad study for even the best photographer.

Ever the optimist, I showed up right on time for my appointment. Two hours, a lot of sequins and several bizarre poses later, I was sitting in the front of the studio viewing the proofs on a screen when I felt hot breath on the back of my neck. It was the manager, staring at the shots and shaking his head.

“You don’t have much to choose from, do you?” he said.

I didn’t know whether to commend him for being perceptive or yell at him for being rude.

Actually, he was right. There was glare off my glasses, I looked like I was positively poured into one glamour suit and, of course, my left eye was half shut on most of the pictures, making me look a wee bit tipsy.

“Tell you what,” he said, without waiting for me to answer. “If you’ve got another couple of hours, you can have another sitting for free.”

Free? These were worse than I thought.

He sent me in to a more experienced photographer (the one they send all their remedial customers to, no doubt). And four hours after I first walked in, I walked out with some priceless photos of me in a red feather boa and with both eyes pretty much open.

Had I not been equipped with a highly developed sense of humor, I would have pronounced that experience a disaster. But if you really want to have fun in your life, you have to be willing to get over yourself as far as physical appearance goes. Unfortunately, we girls aren’t always good at it.

You know how it is. Lots of women pass up the most delicious opportunity of the summer—swimming at the beach or pool—all because they don’t have perfect bodies. What is really going on here? Are we so self-absorbed that we think anyone actually cares that we don’t look like Barbie in a swimsuit? My theory is, most people don’t care what you look like because they’re too busy obsessing about what they look like.

A few years ago, I was on a winter retreat with a group from our church. One evening, a friend excitedly told me we could rent an hour in a hot tub, and they needed a sixth person to split the cost. Was I interested? Sure, I was! At the end of a day on the slopes, nothing feels better than sinking your joints into some hot water—especially if you ski like I do: face first.

I was all set to run back to the room and put on my bathing suit when I casually asked him who else would be there.

“Oh,” he replied. “Fab Abs, Flat Stomach, Killer Tan, and Much Younger than You.” Actually he said their names, but my mind processed them this way.

I stopped right there and started to say, “Oh, uh… well… no thanks.” The thought of being compared to such perfection made me want to put on a long, fuzzy nightgown and go straight to bed. But then I thought about all the fun I’d be missing and decided my own self-consciousness was not going to cheat me out of a good time.

So I went. I had fun. It was good.

Go and do likewise! And be reassured by Peter’s words: “What matters is not your outer appearance… but your inner disposition” (1 Peter 3:3, Message). Nothing looks better than a disposition focused on celebration—not self-consciousness.

JILL BAUGHAN lives in Virginia, where she is an adjunct English instructor at Virginia Commonwealth University, and the author of A Hope Deferred: A Couple's Guide to Coping with Infertility (Multnomah Press 1989). Jill also serves on the worship ministry team at her church. She has been married to her long-suffering husband, Ben, since 1976.