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Unfailing Love: Ministering to the Brokenhearted

By Kristy Dykes

Billy and Ruth Graham have three daughters: Gigi, Anne and Ruth, all experienced speakers in their own right. You might have read some of their books or heard them speak in person or on television.

Ruth Graham is becoming more visible through her recent books and speaking engagements. Her mother's namesake, Ruth is a conference speaker and Bible teacher known for her honesty and compassion, and she has a story to tell—a story of heartache and healing. She's faced the trauma of divorce. Her teenage daughter rebelled, got pregnant, gave the baby up for adoption and got pregnant again. At times, Ruth questioned God, struggled to forgive those who had hurt her and worried about embarrassing her famous family. Ruth Graham faced challenges that could have broken her will and her spirit. But in each challenge, she reached back to her bedrock faith and relied on God to see her through.

Ruth has revealed her heart and soul in her new book, In Every Pew Sits a Broken Heart: Hope for the Hurting. Why? She wants to assure those who are going through tough times that there is hope. "Our ruins become places of hope in God's eyes," she says. "This book isn't about me. It's about those who are hurting and how we can help them."

In her life challenges, Ruth feels she has portrayed the three main characters in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. She was the indignant, righteous brother when her husband failed her morally. She epitomized the prodigal's father when her teenage daughter rebelled and she helped her pick up the pieces of her shattered life. But perhaps most poignant of all, Ruth portrayed the Prodigal when she made a poor choice in the selection of her second husband and the marriage lasted only weeks. When her parents welcomed her home with open arms, Ruth experienced redemption and restoration.

"Unfailing love" could appropriately be her book's theme, because that sums up her life story. Recently, Ruth Graham spoke with Kristy Dykes for Woman's Touch.

WT: Tell us how your book, In Every Pew Sits a Broken Heart, came about.

RG: For years, I sat in the pew with my broken heart, afraid to let anyone know what was going on in my life. I thought I had to pretend everything was OK and I had it all together, because those around me seemed to. They looked so spiritual. It wasn't until I had a pastor who shared some of his struggles and doubts—his humanness—that a light came on in my mind. I thought, Maybe it's OK for me to have struggles and doubts, and I began to open up.

Then, I started traveling and speaking across the country, and I met people who were hurting and feeling alone. Many came up to me and said, "I didn't know anyone else had this same experience." Suddenly, I realized that as we take our masks off, we give people permission to be honest. And that's where ministry takes place. I wanted to minister to people out of my own experience. I am not qualified to write this book because I am Billy Graham's daughter.

I am not qualified by position or expertise. I am qualified to write this book because I am flawed, because I am a sinner saved by God's grace, because I am headstrong and slow to learn and because I have made mistakes. Many mistakes. And have failed often.

WT: In your book, you discuss your disastrous second marriage and how you felt you had failed. What have you learned about failure?

RG: Failure is never final. God specializes in restoration—it is His best work. He loves to create good out of chaos. Consider His work in Genesis and how He brought order to an earth that was formless and void. God likewise steps into our ruins, picks up the pieces and reassembles our lives, our mistakes, hurts and failed plans. God does not condemn us for our mistakes. He sees hope where others see failure. His desire is to bring us out of our devastation, healed and strengthened, with a song in our hearts. That is His promise.

WT: How did your parents respond when you came home feeling like a failure?

RG: I came home not knowing if they would accept me, reject me or tell me I had made my bed and to go lie in it. As I drove home, fear multiplied with every mile. When I pulled into the driveway, my father was there to greet me. He wrapped his arms around me and said, "Welcome home." What a precious experience. It illustrated for me the unconditional love of God. When we return, broken and bruised by our own choices—or maybe the choices of others—God welcomes us home without condemnation. He loves us unconditionally. We have that wonderful sense of "underneath are the everlasting arms." My parents' love was a wonderful picture of God's love for me—total acceptance.

WT: What is it like being Billy and Ruth Graham's daughter? You said in your book that you had some self-imposed standards you felt you had to live up to.

RG: When you belong to a family like mine, you try to live up to people's expectations. For much of my life, I tried to do that. There are wonderful privileges of being the child of Ruth and Billy Graham, but there are also some responsibilities. But I think the privileges and joys outweigh the downsides. One of the downsides was giving up our father for so many years. I'm very proud of my family, and God's called me to a ministry of my own—to help the hurting.

WT: How has your faith helped you withstand your trials?

RG: Three foundational principles sustained me: God loves me, God is going to show me what to do and God is going to bring good out of my circumstances. When we know these three things, we have hope. And when we have hope, we can survive. And you know, everybody can have those three foundational principles if they put their trust in God.

WT: How did your loved ones help you through your difficulties?

RG: Most importantly, by praying for me. Often, when we're going through a problem and we're hurting, we need the arms, eyes and ears of our loved ones. My family listened and listened and listened some more. I had to get it out. They also encouraged me in the Scriptures, and they helped me focus on the future, not the past. They were wonderful in always encouraging me and loving me.

WT: What can we do to reach out to hurting people?

RG: When people are hurting, they feel all alone and believe they are the only ones experiencing what they're going through. It's important to make yourself vulnerable and let them know you've experienced difficulties too. Open that door for communication. And then listen and pray. Pray consistently for them.

WT: Is it wrong to question God?

RG: I do not believe it is wrong to question God. We are in great company when we question God. Some of the great saints of the Bible questioned God, and even got angry with God. God has heard it all before. He's not threatened by our anger, questions or doubts. He welcomes us—invites us—to be honest with Him. I was very free about questioning God and saying, "I don't like what's happened here. You picked the wrong Graham for this thing." But God welcomes us with all our doubts.

WT: One of the things that helped you in discouraging times was making praise lists. What are these?

RG: I regularly make praise lists. As I'm going through my devotions, I list in my journal all the truths about God I find in the Scriptures. God is faithful, God is merciful, God is going to work in this, God is my stronghold, God is my safety and security. Then I praise Him for those things. During discouraging times, I list ways God has prepared me to go through particular hardships in my life. Still other things I list are what God has done rather than what God hasn't done. It's very helpful to refocus my mind and attitude. Praise lifts our hearts, and it's a wonderful practice.

WT: You learned to praise God in both pain and peace.

RG: Yes. Praise is not a silver bullet, but it is an antidote to heaviness of heart. That's important for us to know.

WT: Anything else you'd like to tell our readers?

RG: In my book, I draw on Jeremiah's description of the Potter and the clay—bringing good out of painful circumstances. And then I talk about Elijah. God directed him to be still. He was discouraged and thought he was all by himself. God said, "You need to get some refreshment. You need some rest." It was only as Elijah cultivated stillness that he was able to hear God's still, small voice. I made a bad decision when I was in a hurry, and many people do the same thing. Cultivate a stillness so you can hear God's voice.

A former newspaper columnist, KRISTY DYKES is an award-winning author and enjoys speaking for women’s events. She’s written 600 published articles, worked for two New York Times subsidiaries, and is an author of seven Christian fiction titles. Contact her at kristydykes@aol.com.