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Mentorship and Personalities

Attaining the Highest Return on Your Investment in Someone's Life

By Vicky Olsen

"I can't work with her anymore; our personalities just clash!"

Sound familiar? If given the choice, most of us would probably surround ourselves with people who are like us. Wouldn't life be easy if every exchange with another person was characterized by a "meeting of the minds"?

But God created people to be different from each other. Some love relationships and others love work. Some want to have a good time and others want to do things perfectly. Some need to be in charge and others prefer to keep the peace. And He says each one is "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14).

Close relationships between people with different personality types lead to growth and balance. But one must take the initiative to learn about the other person and commit to accepting and loving them unconditionally. In Romans 15:7, Paul instructs us to "accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." People who adhere to this principle develop mutual respect and recognize each other's worth and value—necessary ingredients in a mentoring relationship.

The word mentor means "to guide or teach." Titus 2:3,4 instructs older women in the church to train younger women. Don't underestimate the amount of influence a mentor can have over an individual who is hungry for improvement and open to instruction. A mentor has the responsibility to understand the personality type of her mentoree to ensure success. Proverbs 16:22 reminds us that "understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it."

The Popular Sanguine appears happy on the surface, but is longing for your attention and approval. She will not think twice about bailing out of the relationship if she is not having fun or feels she is not accepted just as she is. Any hint of dissatisfaction will hurt a Popular Sanguine's feelings. Ease the sting of constructive criticism with abundant praise. If you remember that compliments are food to her soul, you will get along marvelously with the Popular Sanguine!

The Powerful Choleric is a born leader and desires to be in control. However, the more sensitive personalities are turned off by her bossiness, frankness and strong-willed nature. A mentor would do well to help the Powerful Choleric tone down her approach and improve her relational skills. She will respect your firmness and honesty if she knows you have her best interest in mind. Most importantly, understand that the Powerful Choleric craves appreciation for all she does. If she did not receive praise as a child, her workaholism may be an inward cry for recognition. If you remember that production is an overwhelming need for her, you will get along beautifully with the Powerful Choleric!

The Perfect Melancholy struggles with low self-esteem and feels insecure in social situations. Your primary purpose should be to help her feel good about herself. You may grow weary of her pessimistic outlook and frequent mood swings, but teach her to focus on the positive and be a listening ear when she is depressed. She needs to know you understand where she is coming from. The Perfect Melancholy is a procrastinator, not because she is lazy, but because she spends too much time planning and is afraid she won't do the job correctly. Help her set realistic expectations and give her time to complete a project without feeling pressured. She gets hurt easily, but if you watch your words and volume, you will get along famously with the Perfect Melancholy!

Even though the Peaceful Phlegmatic has great administrative ability and gets along with everybody, she avoids being in charge of anything. While she needs direct motivation, she resents being pushed. Help her set goals, force her to make decisions and encourage her to accept responsibilities. When dealing with a Peaceful Phlegmatic, understand that her desire for peace sometimes causes her to withdraw emotionally when met head-on with conflict. Teach her to face unpleasant issues and communicate her feelings. Above all else, don't let her get lost in the crowd. If you remember to respect her need for relaxation and give her the recognition she yearns for, you will get along wonderfully with the Peaceful Phlegmatic!

Obviously, the mentoring relationship will not be without challenges, or even conflict. But understanding the other person's personality is well worth the extra effort. I leave you with the words of my mentor, Florence Littauer, author of Personality Plus: "The secret to success in human relationships is to deal with others not on the basis of your own personality's needs, but by understanding theirs."

VICKY OLSEN is an experienced keynote speaker and certified Personality Plus trainer who has motivated and inspired hundreds to bring out the “plus” in their personality. She can be reached at www.VickyOlsen.com. A mentor has the responsibility to understand the personality type of her mentoree to ensure success.