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Feature

Connecting with Your Son

By Becky Freeman

I met one of my dearest friends, Gracie, just in time for the arrival of puberty—that is, the puberty of my eldest son, Zach, followed closely by his brother Zeke, and then my daughter, Rachel. Many adolescent episodes later, Gracie is still the best shoulder to lean on as I finish mothering my 15-year-old son, Gabe, the caboose of our family train.

As a mother who had raised three sons into manhood and withstood the tide of teenage turmoils, Gracie always offered the sort of advice I craved.

“Gracie, how will I survive raising three boys?” I asked her one day as I sank into her overstuffed living room chair.

She smiled, leaned back on a couch pillow, and said, “You’ll look back and laugh at the small things that irritated you so much at the time. Let the small stuff go if you can. The most important thing I can tell you, Becky, about raising boys is to never neglect midnight taco runs.”

“What?”

Gracie grinned and replied, “Look for opportunities to bond with your boys whenever you can. When my youngest son, Jason, was a teen, he would often look at me mischievously late on a weekend night and ask, ‘Are you hungry for tacos?’ With those words, I’d grab my car keys and we’d head out for a fast-food fix. We had some of our best conversations during those late-night jaunts.”

“Why did Jason prefer to go on these mom and son dates after dark?” I asked.

“Why do you think?”

“So no one would see him cruising the streets with his mother in broad daylight.”

“You got it, babe. No telling what being seen in public, riding in the car with your mom, could do to a boy’s cool reputation.”

Parenting is hard work, but it can also be a great deal of fun. Here are some ideas to spark your imagination with interesting and fun activities that can help you bond with your son.

1. Read a chapter book, one chapter a night. Pick a book with a lot of fast-moving action, something that will hold a kid’s full attention. (See the sidebar for book recommendations.)
2. Shoot hoops. Even if you aren’t a natural athlete, boys crave the attention of admiring moms and love showing off their skills. Badminton and croquet also provide great backyard fun for moms and sons.
3. Buy a plastic model airplane or car or other object at a hobby store and work on it together as a continuing project.
4. Teach your son to play a new card game, dominoes or a board game. This can include his friends. They will think you are the coolest mom in the neighborhood.
5. Learn to rollerblade or bike with your son—if you dare!
6. Go on a Mom and Me Date—no other siblings allowed. Let your son pick a parent-approved movie and where to eat.
7. Go fishing. Even if you can’t stand to put the worm on the hook or take the fish off the hook, your son will probably enjoy doing this task for you. (It makes him feel manly!)
8. On a pretty day, go somewhere scenic. Take art supplies—paints, sketchbook, charcoal pencils—and both of you try drawing or painting the scene in front of you.
9. Pitch a tent in the backyard and let a couple of his buddies come over for a sleep-out. Cook hot dogs and marshmallows over a grill or in the fireplace on long sticks or metal clothes hangers bent straight.
10. Learn to play a harmonica together. There’s a Klutz book complete with harmonica and instructions. Check www.klutz.com.

Excerpted from Mom’s Everything Book for Sons (Zondervan, 2003). Used with permission.