Healthy Families

Reader Poll

What best describes your motherhood role? Grandmother Empty-Nester Mother with children at home Expecting mother Spiritual mother I hope to be a mother someday View Results

 

A Closer Walk

Life-Giving Relationships

Women are designed for relationships

As mothers, it is easy to allow the demands of daily life to consume every moment, leaving us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. Our lives may be full of activity and yet there is an unexplained emptiness. In my years as a pastor’s wife, I have been approached by many women who are confused by these feelings. Yet I have observed a common thread among the women who experience this type of discontent. All too often we have been neglecting the most essential aspect of our unique design as women—our need for satisfying, intimate, life-giving relationships.

Women are relational—it is a part of our design. At the creation of the world, God calls everything “very good.” However, in the second chapter of Genesis God says something is “not good.”

“It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him … So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs .... Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib … and he brought her to the man” (Genesis 2:18,21,22). Whereas Adam was formed in an untamed world, Eve was created to meet a relational need. As women, we were made in relationship and for relationship.

Many sources tell us men typically find fulfillment in their work, while women find the greatest fulfillment in their relationships. We are most content and emotionally healthy when we are engaged in a myriad of life-giving relationships. First, we are designed for an intimate relationship with God. As we allow Him to meet our deepest needs, we are equipped to have meaningful relationships with our spouse, children, extended family and friends.

It is important to remember that our relationship with our spouse is our most important human relationship. Quality times with our husband must be a priority. In addition, our children are God’s gifts to us. We don’t want to neglect the brief window of time we have to nurture and care for them in our homes. As time passes, our relationships with our children change, each season bringing unique challenges and joys.

While I cherish most my relationships with my husband and children, I have found I also need relationships with other women. Women understand one another. In our design, we differ from our male counterparts significantly—the way we process emotion, verbalize our thoughts, learn from other women’s experiences, or find comfort in a listening ear. Without healthy relationships with other women, we may inadvertently put too much pressure on those relationships closest to us—our husband and children.

In the past, I’ve been frustrated when my husband didn’t respond to my feelings and thoughts the way a female friend might. Rather than placing unrealistic expectations on him, I’ve learned that many times I simply needed a friend. I might need someone to listen to my rambling thoughts so I can resolve an issue. Or I might need another mom’s perspective on a situation with one of my children. And I have found great encouragement as I simply spend time with other women, whether we are shopping, cooking, eating out, decorating, discussing a good book or working on a project.

In the past, these types of relationships happened more naturally. Before the industrial age, extended families and neighbors were a necessary part of everyday life. But in today’s fast-paced society, life-giving relationships require planning and intentional effort. Sadly, this is often the last item on our “to do” list.

Could it be that we are neglecting one of the relationships we were created to experience? Jesus explained the greatest pursuits are to love God and others. It’s amazing how I’ve felt guilty in the past about prioritizing these pursuits, thinking that accomplishments were more important. However, I have discovered incredible contentment when I align my thinking to God’s Truth, and I intentionally pursue life-giving relationships with Him and others.

God has opened many doors for KERRY CLARENSAU, which have prepared her for her current position as Leadership Development Coordinator for the national Women’s Ministries Department. Kerry has served the Kansas District in different ministry roles and as national Missionettes Coordinator. Under her leadership the current Mpact girls clubs (formerly Missionettes) program was developed in 1998. She has also served as women’s pastor at Maranatha Worship Center in Wichita, Kansas, where her husband serves as senior pastor. She is a Bible teacher, writer, wife, mother and much more. Her role as pastor’s wife is instrumental in developing effective leadership resources for the local church.